25:

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy. I thought you'd want the same for me.

Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you, can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance. My back is turned on you.

Should've known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean, I cannot try the streets at night, I cannot wake up in the morning, without you on my mind.

So you're gone and I'm haunted, and I bet you are just fine. 

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life? 

24: Weekly update (2)

Helloooo, I'm back again with another weekly update. I know, the title is so boring but who cares. So yeah, again, LIFE IS STILL THE SAME. But this week is different because we (Choir) had SYF, which is Singapore Youth Festival, on Wednesday at SOTA. In case you don't know, SYF is some kind of a competition but not really. Whatever, you get the main idea of it yeah. Hopefully we will get the result that satisfies us! It's really scary because Band and Dance had already gotten their results and initially I thought Dance would get Silver or Gold because I thought they danced quite well... So scary! GOD BLESS US.

Thursday, Khairul brought red velvet cupcakes to school for me! They taste so damn good! Makes me crave for it more. Hope he brings more to school heheh. Oh and there's nutella filling in it! It's so yummy that I didn't even cared about the calories. 

No school on Friday because it was E-Learning day. I woke up late but luckily the assignments were still there! Headed to school in the afternoon for Speech Day and dumb-ass me thought I was late so I went to take the cab to school and in the end I wasn't even close to late. Geez, money wasted! Well, never mind about that. Speech day wasn't that great because to me, it's just a useless event. After speech day was better because there were lots of fooooooood. Yum yum yum! Headed to BPP with the rest and wanted to lepak together but we went separate ways. Slacked with Joan, Shazleen, Hakim and Karmen at the court beside Senja-Cashew CC. Basically, we sat there for hours and heard Joan talk about her thoughts and feelings since Primary school to Secondary school... yeah................ Headed home at around 11+ pm if I'm not wrong. So tired that I K.O after finish bathing myself.

Stayed home during the weekends to complete my homework. 

On Saturday, I made pancakes for the first time, for myself. Not too bad as you can see from the picture! But on the other side of the pancakes, there were some holes..... I will work on that again. Hehehe. Made creamy mushroom spaghetti for lunch for myself. No special ingredients or much effort! Campbell's soup save the day! So yummy but a lil' bit too watery because I added too much water to the Campbell's soup powder. I think I can be a really good housewife when I grow up. :P Worked on my POA and Maths for the rest of the day! 

On Sunday, which is today, I was feeling a bit lazy so I just made mashed potatoes for myself to eat for breakfast. Taste really good when mixed with Ba-cos! Don't worry, I'm still a vegan, they are not bacon bits! There's something called artificial flavoring. So yummy. Guess I have to run like mad on Monday for PE! Burn calories, burn! Mopped the floor in the evening and I feel so proud of myself! I literally see the floor going "bling bling!". You know that sense of achievement? YEAH, THAT'S IT! Thumbs up for being so hard working. Heheh.

Okay that's it for this week. MYE is around the corner, I'm so scared but idk how to revise. KILL ME.

23: Weekly update

You can actually see how horrible my face is. Sigh, my pimple outbreak is like forever happening. :(

Hello everybody! Like I’ve said, I will do a proper post at the end of the week. So, here it is!

Life this week has been really bad. I can’t stop being in a bad mood and that sucks. I guess it’s because of my menses. Maybe you can call it DMS because, During Menstruation Syndrome. Haha, at least I still have a bit of humour while being in a bad mood. Hope all of these can disappear soon!

Life is still pretty boring. SYF is on 10^th April, which is in a few days’ time! I’m really nervous and scared because my conductor keeps on telling us that we are still not up to his expectations. I really hope we will make it through and get what we’ve always wanted, a gold. Or at least a silver. We’ve been practicing well but not hard enough. May the odds be ever in our favor!

Speech day for my school is nearing too. We have rehearsals even though it’s only ushering. That’s really redundant but well, since the school needs us to rehears, we can’t say no. Did I mention? The rehearsals are kind of affecting my choir practices too! How I wish the teachers organising speech day rehearsals can understand us and change it to a date when choir doesn’t clashes with it but well, they can’t and we have no choice.

Moving on. Homework this week is rather less and I’m really glad because at least I don’t have to be so stress over it and lose my sleep almost every day. Yay! But I’m really stupid to waste all those time lazing on the bed and watching television programmes. I know... I should have made used of the time to revise but I’m so tired and lazy. Sigh... I keep saying that I want to buck up but in the end I do nothing to it. L I really have to stop it. Hope I can really stop being so lazy and stop procrastinating whenever it comes to doing work.*fingers crossed*

Went to Jurong Point on Friday with sissy to get some things and relax! (I know, I’m already relaxed enough but...) Also, we wanted to catch “Warm Bodies” but JP’s cinema is really lousy! Grrrrrrr. Such a turn off, so we went home instead.

It’s Sunday tomorrow and hopefully it will be productive for me! Gonna kill myself with sciences and hope I will not end up getting distracted by other things again. Hehehehe that’s all for today! I’ll be back again! Actually I will update my blog weekly (at least). Why? Because blogging somehow improves my English (I hope), and it updates y’all about my life (if you’re interested). Heheh okay bye! 

22:

When you can actually feel that you're obviously being left out. Wanna know how is it like to be left out? Here it goes. You will be no different from being invisible, a wall, a ghost, a person who doesn't even exist. They can talk together, discuss something and completely ignore your existence. That fucking sucks. Sometimes I'm so tired of this feeling I just want to run away and migrate to another country but I have no choice, no money, no nothing. I feel so disliked by everyone and whenever I get too affected, I just feel like breaking down, not caring about who is around me because that feeling is really unbearable. But I can't because I will be judged. People will think that I'm seeking for attention. Why is this society so god damn judgmental? You get judged for everything single thing, not even excluding your outer appearance and your style of dressing. Yes, I say people judge too much. I am one of them too. It's like whenever you see someone, you judge even without finding out what's the meaning behind it. I do that too. It's like something that people cannot really avoid. At least I don't judge EVERY SINGLE THING. There's a limit to everything.

My patience, my tolerance level, they all have a limit. I can't tolerate being left out. I swear I can't. But what's the point? People don't even care if you can tolerate or not. They just do what they want and what they think is right. They sometimes don't even care about your feelings when they say or do something. But when they are the one experiencing it, they will complain and complain and you'll be like "so now you feel what I've felt." Then you feel guilty after that because you shouldn't be happy about that as you know that the feeling is really horrible. But again, you don't care because they are the ones who started being so insensitive.

21: Screwed

Somethings that I'm very sure about at this moment:
- I actually haven't moved on at all.
- Boys don't really fall in love with me because I'm me.
- I'm a loser.

One day, I chanced upon you and your friends while I was in town with my friend. My heartbeat rate increased like super a lot. I don't know why the fuck am I like this. This is so frustrating because all this while I've been trying to move on and forget about you. I've tried to not thinking about you at all, not mentioning about you with my friends, not view your twitter and not looking at you when I walk pass you or when you're somewhere near me. All of this worked, FOR A LITTLE WHILE. Holy fuck. Why is it so hard to move on from some one. I don't even know the reasons for falling for you. That is really weird because I really can't figure out why. I don't what's so attractive about you. I REALLY DON'T KNOW. I can't even find anything that is attractive on you but yet I'm attracted. Is love really blind? I don't even know if that's love because I'm a freaking 15 year old girl. I don't think I know what is love yet. This makes me so frustrating I just want to move on from you even though those memories were great, because thinking about you makes me wanna cry and stab your heart a million times.

Isn't is frustrating that a guy only likes you for your looks/your body? It sure is, right? I mean who the hell likes it when it's not your personality that the person likes but your outer appearance. This is one of the many reasons why I decided to reject you when you asked me out, even if it's just window shopping. You keep telling me I'm hot. My whatsapp pic is HOT. Yeah hot. WHAT ABOUT MY PERSONALITY? Do you not have anything to say about that? Or my personality just simply sucks? You make me feel so pretty yet ugly at the same time. The outer appearance is just a bonus. What lies in it is the inner beauty. If you do not have inner beauty, having a great outer appearance isn't gonna help much. Another thing is, when someone confesses to me, I will ask them why do they like me. And their answer will always be a long list of descriptive words and one of them will be cute. Another outer appearance bonus. Why, why, why! Why do people not want to "look into" me before concluding that they have fallen in love with me? Is my personality that bad? I think it is but I'm sure it's not that worse right. I know, people are gonna tell me "at least they like you!" "they're just telling you what they're thinking to make you feel better about your outer appearance!" Well, what if they do not like my personality and then decides to leave me? Yeah, that would be worse and I wouldn't want that to happen. Not denying, sometimes I really feel very good when people tell me that I'm pretty, cute or whatever (even though I disagree with them because my face has horrible features.) because at least I know in other peoples' eyes, I'm like this and not other negative things. But still, I wouldn't want a guy to like me for my appearance. Please get to know me first before jumping into conclusions because outer appearance does not equal to inner beauty.

This post is just so frustrating.Thank you if you've read to the end. I will do a proper one at the end of the week. Stay tuned! Love you all beautiful people! :)