Somethings that I'm very sure about at this moment:
- I actually haven't moved on at all.
- Boys don't really fall in love with me because I'm me.
- I'm a loser.
One day, I chanced upon you and your friends while I was in town with my friend. My heartbeat rate increased like super a lot. I don't know why the fuck am I like this. This is so frustrating because all this while I've been trying to move on and forget about you. I've tried to not thinking about you at all, not mentioning about you with my friends, not view your twitter and not looking at you when I walk pass you or when you're somewhere near me. All of this worked, FOR A LITTLE WHILE. Holy fuck. Why is it so hard to move on from some one. I don't even know the reasons for falling for you. That is really weird because I really can't figure out why. I don't what's so attractive about you. I REALLY DON'T KNOW. I can't even find anything that is attractive on you but yet I'm attracted. Is love really blind? I don't even know if that's love because I'm a freaking 15 year old girl. I don't think I know what is love yet. This makes me so frustrating I just want to move on from you even though those memories were great, because thinking about you makes me wanna cry and stab your heart a million times.
Isn't is frustrating that a guy only likes you for your looks/your body? It sure is, right? I mean who the hell likes it when it's not your personality that the person likes but your outer appearance. This is one of the many reasons why I decided to reject you when you asked me out, even if it's just window shopping. You keep telling me I'm hot. My whatsapp pic is HOT. Yeah hot. WHAT ABOUT MY PERSONALITY? Do you not have anything to say about that? Or my personality just simply sucks? You make me feel so pretty yet ugly at the same time. The outer appearance is just a bonus. What lies in it is the inner beauty. If you do not have inner beauty, having a great outer appearance isn't gonna help much. Another thing is, when someone confesses to me, I will ask them why do they like me. And their answer will always be a long list of descriptive words and one of them will be cute. Another outer appearance bonus. Why, why, why! Why do people not want to "look into" me before concluding that they have fallen in love with me? Is my personality that bad? I think it is but I'm sure it's not that worse right. I know, people are gonna tell me "at least they like you!" "they're just telling you what they're thinking to make you feel better about your outer appearance!" Well, what if they do not like my personality and then decides to leave me? Yeah, that would be worse and I wouldn't want that to happen. Not denying, sometimes I really feel very good when people tell me that I'm pretty, cute or whatever (even though I disagree with them because my face has horrible features.) because at least I know in other peoples' eyes, I'm like this and not other negative things. But still, I wouldn't want a guy to like me for my appearance. Please get to know me first before jumping into conclusions because outer appearance does not equal to inner beauty.
This post is just so frustrating.Thank you if you've read to the end. I will do a proper one at the end of the week. Stay tuned! Love you all beautiful people! :)
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