51: Mad

(This title reminds me so much of my secondary 1 & 2 days. I remember our class motto would always be M.A.D, which stands for Make A Difference. How much I miss my those days. Guess what? My heart still drops when someone mentions your name or when I see someone who looks like you. I think I'll never get over it.)

Back to my point of this post, exams are around the corner, which explains my title for this post! And after that, it means the end of Semester 1. Wow... Just take a look at how fast time flies. It almost seemed like it was yesterday that I came into poly for the first ever lesson. So much for telling myself that I'll work hard and study. I guess that's inevitable to people who dislikes studying, me. I ended up playing and enjoying almost every single day of my life, except for weekends, when I have work. Now, regret is slowing forming in me. But I think I'll never change. A leopard will never change its spots, isn't it? (Is that how the phrasing goes? HAHAHA.) I don't know where have I drifted to. This post seems so out of point right now. Hahahaha.

I really hope I will study this time, because I can feel myself getting lost in most of the modules. Lol, that sounds horribly terrible. I'm like writing resolutions or something HAHA. IDK WHAT TO TYPE ANYMORE, SO I'LL UPDATE AGAIN SOON after exams.

50: Trust issues I have

What does it feels like to suddenly know that someone whom you least expected, actually bitches behind your back? So so so damn speechless I can only laugh when someone told me about it. I mean, wow, just wow. I fucking hate it when people do this to me. Even though I used to do it, I no longer do it now. Well, at least not to friends whom I am okay with. I guess I'm sort of matured over this kind of things already? Hahaha what a joke to say myself getting matured.

Back to topic, I really don't know how am I suppose to trust people nowadays. My poly friends are so scary I swear. They can be so kind and act like they are so close to you in front of you but actually behind your back, they stabs a knife into you. 17 freaking years old already. STILL SO CHILDISH? I don't know what the heck are they even thinking???!?!?!? What is wrong with banging the table when I laugh? It's my habit, you have a problem with it? Do I really act cute? DO I? Excuse me, do you even know me that well to comment about me? Fuck no. I can't stand it ok. How suffocating I can't even scream in front of his face and scold him because that would just make everything worse. But I am so angry, my heart keeps beating so quickly.

I don't even know who to trust in my school already. Sucks. Life fucking sucks. I can't even bring myself closer to that person. I just want to stay away as far as I can. Horrible people. I can't trust anyone anymore. So hurt.

49: Catching up on my life

Hello to you who are/is reading my blog! (I'm kinda bad at grammar...) Anyways, yeah, I'm finally updating this dead space! June holiday has passed and I'm back to school. Oh gosh, I dread school everyday so much you have no idea. Everything is getting so much more difficult after the holidays. I swear this is not the poly life that I've expected. I thought everything will be so easy and life will be so fun and enjoyable. Now I know, I actually prefer Secondary School life to poly life. Hahahaha but anyway, it's good that I am free from the horribly stressful 'O' Levels! Guess both have their bad sides huh?

MoooooooOoOOoOooooooving on.......

Since it was Iswan's birthday, the class had a Friday kinda blues for him because that's his favourite colour. Now that I look at the picture, it's really damn blue and all shades of blue. Hahahaha.

Met up with the bitch for study session and a little of catching up. Miss you sooooo much. ♥

Went to Marmalade Toast with Carel, Jeff and Zosi for some high tea session HAHAHA. More like dinner actually. Their cakes are damn niceeee. Not forgetting their huge ass meringue. OH SO DAMN GOOOOD.

Last day of school before our holiday starts, we kinda celebrated Joey's birthday kekekeke. Everyone wearing floral since it's her favourite. Hehehe.

 Birthday gurlllllllllllll.
lol we looked so awkward. HAHA.

 Mad cow Carel. 

Jeff, Zosi, myself, Carel Joey, Nicole and Qin Yun.
(Missing Tatiana since she went to work.)

Okay that's all. Hahaha, I shall update on my June Holidays next time. ^^

Till then~

48: Just some thoughts...

Honestly, I really hate it when people tell me that I'm irritating when I'm just trying to be myself because it's so damn hurting. Then when I'm being quiet, you asked why am I so quiet and then assume that I'm pissed off with something. Yeah, you're right. I'm pissed off. Pissed off with you ok. Why are people so hard to please? I get "complains" when I'm being myself, then get "told off" when I be quiet. What the fuck?????

I've been trying to tolerate with you for so long already okay. Yeah, I know I'm irritating and all but you are not any better. Well, why not look into the mirror before you start talking about others? I admit, it's good to be straightforward but sometimes, when you don't really know the person, you should keep certain comments to yourself. This is me okay. If you can't stand it then I guess you should like get out of my life or something, because we obviously can't click.

I really hate it when people keep boasting about how rich they are. I know you are rich because your dad owns a company in both Singapore and Thailand, your parents just went to Italy, you have a lot of clothes, you have almost all Bigbang and EXO albums, you went for all Bigbang concerts, you have a house in Thailand, blah blah blah. Yes, I can see all of that. You don't have to tell me that you are rich. I mean, wtf, that's damn show-off. I really can't stand people like this. I know I'm not as rich as you, but you don't have to dig it in my face right. So damn insensitive.

47: New environment, new friends, everything new

Hello everyone! It's been some time since I updated this dead space of mine. Well, I seriously want to blog more but I'm actually kinda lazy and ya... Actually I've already written a very long post but I have yet post it because I'm still short of some of the pictures needed... I promise I will post it as soon as I've gotten every picture I need!

Anyway, if you haven't already know, I'm posted to Nanyang Polytechnic's Fund Management and Administration, in the business school. So far, so good. I'm glad that I did made friends during the orientation with my class and I AM SUPER THANKFUL THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE A FRIEND WHO IS ALSO A VEGETARIAN LIKE ME! I don't always meet friends who are vegetarians, or should I say, I haven't had any friends in my school who is a vegetarian. I was like super glad because I am finally not alone! On the first day of orientation, I actually came late and there was a classmate who was also late too! Her name is Fatin. At first, I thought that I'm so lucky to have made this friend. At least I won't be alone in school for now hahaha but well, things didn't work with Fatin because I totally have no idea why she suddenly started to avoid me or stayed away from me when she found friends of her own race... Hmmm, but anyways, we're cool now. :) And so we had to sit in a circle to introduce ourselves one by one and sitting beside me was Tatiana. When I first saw her, I thought she was quite pretty and is those kind of quiet and innocent one. But little did I know, she was almost the same as me, just that I'm a little bit more crazy. (We will come to that part later hahaha) So for the rest of the day, I was with Joey (the vegetarian girl), Tatiana and Meini (Joey's secondary schoolmate). I even went home together with Tatiana since she was going the same way as I am. While we were waiting for our train to come, we chatted for awhile and talk about ourselves. AND GUESS WHAT? She's a k-pop fan like me! She loves EXO too. Woohoo!!! And what's more, she's even more hardcore than I am! Hahahahaha. Super happy because I have someone to spazz with~ Went to the next day's orientation with her too! And I shall skip the rest of the part since they aren't that important.

So basically, I am going to school with Tatiana everyday even until now. And we've even formed a clique? Hahahaha that was fast but my clique is a huge group of people, I would say. It consists of 8 people. Like wow. Don't you think so? Or is it just me, since I haven't had such a big clique before.

Left to right: Joey, Qin Yun, Tatiana, myself, Carel, Nicole and Zosi.
Jeff is missing!!!

Anyway, there's a guy who looked like Kim Soo Hyun. I TOTALLY WENT CRAZY OVER THAT FACT. Here's a picture of us with him!

Left to right: Qin Yun, Nicole, Joey, Zosi, Kelvin, Tatiana, myself and Carel

Jeff is missing again!!!

Actually the picture doesn't really shows his face that much. Actually he doesn't really look like Kim Soo Hyun but he looks like Kim Soo Hyun when you just see his face like that. I don't know how to explain!!! He's damn quiet and always smiles with his tiny eyes when we talk to him. HAHAHA I don't even know if he's shy or he just doesn't want to mix with us? 

So far, these group of friends have brought joy to my boring life in school up till now. Have you noticed? THE GIRLS ARE ALL DAMN SKINNY WHILE I'M LIKE THE FATTEST LOL. I feel so insecure right now I feel like losing weight but... I'M SO LAZY. Ugh........ insecurities........

I'm a Year-One student but I actually feel so stressed up and I feel like I'm going to fail a lot of modules this semester. :( I don't know... Economics is surely dry and boring I can't even absorb anything. And there's this English sorta subject and I really hate it. :( Wishing the best for myself!!! Enough with my complains about school hahahaha, some pictures for you all to enjoy!

Couple creepers day with Carel.

In the lecture hall. 

Top row: Zosi, Nicole, Jeff, Nicole

Bottom row: Carel, Joey, myself and Tatiana (she accidentally blinked hahaha)

Oh yes, you can actually spot Kelvin (the Kim Soo Hyun-look-alike guy) here.
He is the one wearing white and black top at the top... daydreaming? HAHA.

Häagen-Dazs day with Tatiana at Vivo!

Left to right: Joey, Nicole, Zosi, Jeff, Carel, myself, Tatiana and Qin Yun

Candid. Hahahaha fixing some technical problems. 

Crazy Carel hahahaha.

Just photo-bombing Joey's OOTD shots with her outerwear. Hehehe.

Photo-bombing again~

And again. 

MY SOLO SHOT. HAHA. Pardon my stupid face.

OOTD shot for myself~ 

Trying to act model. HAHA.

Carel and I are the fashion models for today. HAHAHAHA KIDDING.

Okay so that's about it!!! I will post again soon, with more pictures. Heheheh see youuuuuuuuuuuuu~

48: Honestly...

You know that feeling when you know that a guy fancies you or when your crush likes you back? I think it's really wonderful because just when you are thinking that you look like a piece of junk, you can console yourself and say that you are not, at least there are still guys who will fancy you. I don't know but it's like a boost of self-confidence and self-esteem (are they the same? lol). Don't you agree with me? It's like even if all the girls think that you are ugly as hell, when there is even only just one guy who fancies you, all the other girls' comments don't matter any more. Is it just me or...?

If I typed those out, surely I've felt those feelings before... right? Yeah, I used to. It's not that I like a lot of guys liking me, it's just that it's good to know that at least I'm not that horrible looking. I used to have a crush and I've even chit-chat with him everyday for a period of time and that really boosted my self-confidence.

Honestly, ever since I lose contact with all guys (I sound like a whore but please don't misunderstand me!), I start to have lesser confidence in myself in terms of my appearance. That's also the reason why I started to become inactive on Instagram because I think I look like shit. Again, honestly, I really like having many people liking my photos. I don't know about other people but it makes me happy. Do I sound very attention-seeking? I don't know... I am envious of those girls who look so pretty effortlessly and whenever they post a picture of themselves, within a few minutes, they have already gotten so many likes.

Sometimes I tell myself that all those things doesn't matter and even my sister told me, the purpose of Instagram is not having your photos gain many likes but share with your followers about cool things or just random things and also a picture update of your current state. It's right too... So I'm really trying to change my mindset and start to get active on Instagram again hahaha. This is like a "getting active again in Instagram" post but NO.

I'm just sharing about what kind of person I am and mostly just reflecting on this awful side of myself.

47: My bad

Hello everybody again!!! I feel so guilty for not updating my blog for about 2 months so sorry!!! But on the other hand, I don't think many people read my blog so........ Hahahaha ok anyway, just updating!!! I have already prepared a draft and have yet complete it. I have to find pictures from 4 years ago and it's very difficult because I forgotten where my memory cards went to and not many are uploaded on Facebook. So please give me some time people (who are reading).

The whole of February was crazily hectic as I have work EVERYDAY. And by everyday, I really mean everyday including weekends. Except for some days where I get to get off days. But those off days weren't really off days because I still went out with my friends and also visited IT Show to look at some laptops. Now that February has ended, which was quite fast, I finally get a break from work! Well, I'm still working but not so crazily. Maybe at least twice a week?

The enrolment package for my polytechnic had arrived a few weeks ago and I've also submitted it! I'm excited and also really scared at the same time because I don't have any friends who are in the same course as me. And if you don't already know, I'm quite an anti-social person. Well, maybe not anti-social but I'm quite shy at first. I'm just hoping for the best!

Actually my polytechnic is quite stupid, I may say. School starts on 21 April 2014 and guess what? That's also the date when the laptop sales, or whatever you call that, starts in my school. I don't really understand how it works.......

Talking about laptops, I've made my mind to not get a Macbook even though I desperately want one...
Firstly, I've looked up on the Internet and it's said that the best laptop recommended for students in business course are Lenovo laptops.
Secondly, I don't think my dad would want to spend a bomb just to get me a laptop.
Thirdly, I don't really know how to use a Macbook. I'm still more familiar with Windows. However, Windows 8 is seriously... I don't know how to say but it's so complicated that I don't even know where to start from. To think, my third argument is kinda invalid...
Fourthly, I would most probably be using my laptop to do lots of things like watching shows online, doing homework, surfing the net and etc. So if I'm gonna buy a Macbook, I guess it would be operating almost 24 hours and I think it will die very fast and I will have many problems if I have to rush my homework. And as you know, Macbook is quite expensive so if such an expensive laptop dies, I think I have to get ready to have my head chopped off by my dad or at least, my ears will suffer for a while.
So in the end, the Lenovo laptop is decided for my poly life~ Before I can totally relax about choosing laptop brands, my dad disagrees again, despite having me helping to save his money by not getting a Macbook. :( He said Lenovo is too expensive. I don't know but I'm gonna try to convince him, regardless of anything. Pray for me please lol.

I've been catching up on Running Man but I've only just reached the 102th episode. There's still a long long way to go..... But my advice is, don't watch too much in a day because you will end up laughing in your sleep like what happened to me. I was laughing the whole day while having a Running Man marathon, even until 12 am I'm still watching then I slept at around 3 am. I suddenly heard myself laughing very loudly in the morning when I was sleeping. I think I woke myself up my laughing so loudly. I know it sounds ridiculous but it's true. Luckily I was in the room alone and my parents have gone to work. Or else I would have been teased by my family for doing a stupid thing.

So I guess that's all for today! Sorry for ending so abruptly. This is awkward ok bye. Sorry no pictures I'm a boring person. Hehehehe.

Till then, x.

46: Flashback 2013

As 2013 passes by, I would like to take this opportunity to blog about the series of events that has happened in 2013 as memories hahahaha I sound like I'm giving a speech but NO.

During this one year, I've grown tremendously fat and maybe my attitude has changed? And also I've become even lazier (except for the days during olevels and I was slogging like a cow). Probably that's the reason for getting fat hahahaha. So I'm just gonna blog lots of pictures that I took during 2013!

MoooOooooOooooooving on.

Out with my favourite Indonesian girl, Bella. 

I miss her so much. :( She's back in Indonesia and probably never coming back again. :(

Flag day with my girlsssss.

This is the Pizza Hut meal after that. HAHAHA.

Out for some shopping alone~

CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

Monopoly deal with my cousins from the paternal side.

OOTD when going to my maternal side grandparents' house!

Top from HollyHoque 

Shorts from Editor's (or Editors' lol idk) Market

Bag from New Look

Armcandy from F21

Shoes from FEP forgotten what shop

Receiving sweet treats from someone.

Rehearsal for ushering for my last speech day in Fajar.

More like camwhore time.

My last Arts' Fiesta with my dear Choir.

The best juniors, Sofiya and Hanif

My usual "gang", Nazreenah, Nisa, Munirah, Shazleen and Nadiah.

My last SYF with Choir.

My last sports day in Fajar. 

Had to do some duties with Shazwani and Munirah which means I can't be with my class! :(

Finally done with duties and back with my class!

With the dearest 4E1'13 (without Miss Nina)

Preparing for Leaders' Night and Leaders' Night!

My neighbour, Annisa.

The cheekiest junior I have and the bestttttttt, Rahmat! ^^

Future office ladies, NOT. HAHAHAHA.

Out with my best friend and visiting JEM for the first time!

Going out during the hazy period~

Breaking fast with the girls during Ramadan.

Breaking fast with the lovely bitch and shopping around hahahaha.

Breaking fast again with my girlfriend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Surprised birthday treat from the best people,

Amir, Shazleen, Nadiah and Nisa. ^^

The even got me a helium balloon hahahaha.

Farewell surprise for Mrs Chin!

Shopping for prom dress with my bitch.

USS for the second time and it was my sister's treat! YAY.

Most of the pictures were taken from the polaroid camera so too bad hahaha.

PROM!

Took pictures with most of the people using polaroid and I only took pictures with Nadiah using our phone so HAHAHA.

Red Camp 10 with my usual school leaders "gang"

With the lovely Centurions sub-tribe 5!

Ok that's probably all the pictures!

2013 taught me many lessons and also to think for others more so maybe I've changed slightly a bit on this area and I'm very glad I did. Maybe I'm not as bossy as before but maybe still a little bit. But well, it takes time to change right!!! And also, 2013 taught me how friends change when they just got into a relationship and I've kinda learnt to handle that change so yup! But sometimes it gets a little too annoying hahaha. Hopefully 2014 will change me into yet a better person!!! 

I have more posts coming up so please stay tuned!!!